From Shame to Strength: My Path to Healing After Sexual Violence

In today’s blog post, I’m delving into the latest instalment of the Speak Shame podcast which features an intimate conversation between myself, Dr Connie Kerali, and my good friend, career change coach, Darleen Davies. In the episode, I share my personal journey that has shaped the work I am passionate about – a journey from shame to empowerment, catalysed by the power of vulnerability and connection.

A Story Untold

In the summer of 2015, my world was upended when I became a survivor of rape. Plagued by shame and self-blame, I kept this traumatic experience a secret, even from my closest friends and family. Shame is a powerful silencer; it kept me from reaching out for help or believing I was worthy of justice.

Reflecting on my past, it was startling how well I could mask my pain. Photographs from those days show the same smile, an outward appearance of happiness, hiding the storm within. It was a stark reminder that we never truly know the battles others are fighting beneath the surface.

A Moment of Inspiration

Three years later, the Me Too movement began to stir memories I had long suppressed. But the real turning point came when I heard Dr Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee in 2018. Her courage to speak her truth while terrified inspired me. Her words resonated deeply, and years later would awaken the realisation that sharing my story could empower others. In 2018, motivated by her courage, I finally reported my assault to the police.

Navigating the Chaos

Reporting was the beginning of another emotional upheaval rather than an end. The suppressed emotions resurged, and I found myself unable to manage them alone. It was then that I reached out to a friend, beginning a series of vulnerable conversations that slowly unburdened me. However, the real transformation began through therapy.

Finding the right therapist was crucial. It was not easy; rapport was everything. But once I found someone I connected with, I began to understand and let go of the shame that had been my silent companion.

The Healing Pathway

Therapy taught me how to be vulnerable and helped me to realise that it wasn’t a weakness. Each time I shared my story, I felt a little lighter. I learned the importance of connection and discovered that I was not alone. Coaching and hypnotherapy were additional pillars of support, enabling me to redefine my life and work.

Spreading Light

Today, my purpose is clear. By sharing my journey, I aim to empower other women to confront shame and rediscover their self-worth. The stories of other remarkable women, who have battled and overcome shame, are pivotal in this mission. They amplify the message that connection and vulnerability are antidotes to shame.

Your Journey Begins Here

If you or someone you know is grappling with similar experiences, know that you are not alone. Speak up, seek help, and embrace vulnerability as the beginning of your healing journey. Whether through trusted friends, professionals, or community resources, finding someone you can confide in can be life-changing. I know this to be true firsthand.

Thank You!

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. By being part of this community, you are reinforcing a support system that is changing lives.

Resources for Support

If you need additional support after listening to this episode/reading this blog post, you can use the links below to find more information on some places to go:

• In an emergency, dial 999; for non-emergencies, dial 101 (UK only)

• Find your nearest NHS Sexual Assault Referral Centre (England only)

• Find an NHS Talking Therapy service near you (England only)

• A doctor or practice nurse at your GP surgery

• A voluntary organisation such as Rape Crisis, Women’s Aid, or Victim Support

Get in Touch

- Join the community:

• @DrConnieKerali on Instagram

• @SpeakShame on Instagram

• Speak Shame the private group on Facebook

- Learn more about Dr Connie Kerali’s Mission 100K to share over 100,000 inspiring stories of women who have faced and overcome adversity, so that others may find strength, connection, and hope in their own journeys, and so that shame itself loses its power.

- Do you want to share your story? Email Dr Connie Kerali at [email protected].

- If you're a remarkable woman who wants to be empowered by your own story, book a free discovery call with me, Dr Connie Kerali.