The Grief of Infertility: Alison Beder Solway on Surrogacy, Resilience & Hope

In a moving conversation on this week's episode of Speak Shame, Dr Connie Kerali interviews the remarkable Alison Beder Solway, a debut author whose inspiring journey through infertility and surrogacy is captured in her memoir, "The Miles We Run." Alison's story is one of hope as a deliberate decision and resilience as a path to personal growth. Her experience offers a profound look at the emotional and logistical challenges of surrogacy, the transformative power of resilience, and the enduring impact of hope.

A Journey Through Challenges

Alison's journey began with the unexpected discovery of her hereditary genetic condition, HHT, during her first pregnancy. An eight-months-pregnant Alison faced a terrifying moment as she was diagnosed with right congestive heart failure, leading to a very traumatic birth. This diagnosis brought a life-altering realization that she could not carry more children, shattering her dreams of the large family she had always envisioned.

Faced with this reality, Alison and her husband turned to surrogacy – a path that, at the time, was cloaked in silence and complex legal hurdles. Her memoir starts with these pivotal moments, revealing a world unknown to many, filled with legal challenges, emotional turmoil, and the delicate process of trusting another woman to carry her child.

The Emotional Road to Surrogacy

Dr Connie explores Alison's emotional landscape during this period, which Alison describes as an "out-of-body experience." The shame and devastation of feeling her body couldn’t fulfill her dreams as a mother were overwhelming. Yet, writing became a lifeline. Alison's journaling habit allowed her to document every step, turning an intimate narrative intended for her future children into a public record that sheds light on the often-unspoken struggles of infertility.

Alison shares her emotional truth with Dr. Connie, emphasizing how these journals became therapeutic, offering a raw, honest outlet for the complex emotions she navigated. They later formed the backbone of "The Miles We Run," a testament not only to her resilience and perseverance but also to the universal struggles faced by those on similar journeys.

Trusting the Process

Discussing the intricacies of surrogacy, Alison delves into her journey of finding the right surrogate and navigating the complex landscape of legal requirements that varied greatly by jurisdiction. The challenge was not just about finding someone to carry the child but ensuring a shared understanding and trust in a highly sensitive process that required relinquishing control and placing faith in another. Alison’s story is not just about surviving the logistical and emotional challenges of surrogacy; it also addresses broader social issues. She reflects on the lack of support and information available during her journey.

Lessons in Resilience and Advocacy

Throughout their conversation, Dr Connie and Alison touch on the core lessons Alison imparts in her book. Chief among them is resilience, described as a muscle that develops through facing discomfort and embracing challenges. Alison emphasizes the importance of listening to one's inner voice and trusting one's intuition as a guide through difficult times.

Alison also advocates for being informed and proactive participants in one's journey, underlining the significance of education and advocacy. She urges listeners to ask questions and challenge the status quo, shedding light on a healthcare system that sometimes requires individuals to assert themselves to receive appropriate care and guidance.

A Beacon of Hope

As the discussion draws to a close, Alison revisits the anchoring theme of hope. Despite the trials she endured, hope was a constant companion, guiding her through uncertainty. She insists hope is a decision – an active choice to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.

Alison's story, as shared with Dr Connie, is a beacon for those struggling with infertility. It's a call to acknowledge and embrace one's journey, to recognize the narratives we write through endurance, and to understand that through sharing our stories, we empower others who walk similar paths.

Connecting with Alison

For those inspired by Alison's journey and seeking further connection, she maintains an active presence online through her website, TheMilesWeRun.com, where she shares updates, speaking engagements, and offers a platform for reaching out. Her memoir is available through various book retailers, providing deeper insights into the resilience and hope that define her story.

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Your Journey Begins Here

If you or someone you know is grappling with similar experiences, know that you are not alone. Speak up, seek help, and embrace vulnerability as the beginning of your healing journey. Whether through trusted friends, professionals, or community resources, finding someone you can confide in can be life changing. I know this to be true firsthand.

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