Lessons From My Inner Child

Hello Remarkable Woman,

I’m Dr Connie Kerali – a medical doctor with over 15 years’ experience, an empowerment coach & clinical hypnotherapist, and a survivor of sexual violence. Welcome to Speak Shame: The Blog that’s on a mission to share over 100,000 inspiring stories from remarkable women who have overcome shame and transformed it into strength.

Body Shame

A few years ago, after clearing out the attic in the home I grew up in, my dad handed back my childhood diary to me. I was excited to see this brightly coloured, gold leaf, 5-year journal that I'd written in from the age of 9-13. The entries were pretty standard for a 9-year-old girl in the early 90s growing up in the UK: professing my undying love for Take That, my excitement about finding a £5 note on the way to Brownies (aka Girl Scouts), notes on an argument with my brother, and so on.

What broke my heart to read, however, was the undercurrent of self-hate that I'd had from such a young age, illustrated by this entry, "I was the third fattest person in my class. Knowing me I'm probably the first. Shameful isn't it. I wonder how it is to be slim. Why do I have to be so fat. It's my fault. When I ask to have Slim Fast we never get it."

A Message of Compassion to Your Inner Child

What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror or catch your reflection? For some women, self-criticism about their appearance can be harsh and automatic. For some, it doesn't matter how much their loved ones tell them how beautiful they are if at their core they don't believe it. Shame can sound like, 'I'm not slim enough', 'I'm not pretty enough', or 'I'm not worthy of love until I've lost 20lbs'.

Trying to change our negative self-talk can be challenging. Years of harmful self-talk or experiences can hardwire our brains to see our bodies in a negative light. One method used in hypnotherapy is talking to our inner child. For many it's much easier to offer our younger selves words of compassion than it is to speak compassionately to ourselves.

Here's something to consider trying: find a photo of yourself when you were younger and print it out or make it a screensaver on your phone. Whenever you see your image, speak tenderly to your inner child. Maybe tell her how amazing, smart, beautiful, unique, and kind she is. Tell her how much you love her. Start planting the seeds of self-worth and take care to nurture them. What would you say to your inner child?

Practising Gratitude

If I were to ask you to list all of the things that you don't like about your body, for some women, the answers would spring to mind immediately. Would the same be true if I were to ask you to list the things that you do like about your body?

Perhaps another way of looking at it would be to consider what you're grateful for about your body. If you're reading this then you can already list being grateful for breathing, your heart beating, and your vision.

Gratitude practice is one of the techniques used in coaching to empower people to begin to shift their mindset. If you want to start to develop a better relationship with your body, perhaps challenge yourself to list 3 things that you are grateful for about your body everyday for the next week and see what shifts occur in your mindset.

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re not worthy of love or belonging, or feeling like you’re not enough – not attractive enough, smart enough, slim enough, young enough, accomplished enough – then download my free Remarkable Woman Workbook and begin your journey to letting go of shame and rediscovering your self-worth.